Poor wittle you! After you missed the boat on… well, pretty much every significant IPO of your generation, you were all fired up to hand over your $38 and rub elbows with the Zuck.

As you’ve probably learned by now, it’s not that easy. Chances are your dreams of riding a dusky blue Like-mobile into easy street have to be deferred, and you’ll just have to find some other orifice to jam those $38 currently burning a hole in your pocket. Since finding places to spend your money is about the hardest thing to do on the internet, we’ve compiled a list of useless swag you can buy for around 38 clams. Continue Reading

I thought about going with a funny title, but no, this pioneer deserves better. Maybe something about Heaven or Hell or some such.
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Got questions?
Questions about love, PHP, the plot of ABC’s Lost, or do you simply want to send us a Farmville neighbor request? No problem!
Chickencat thrives on your suckfulness (this is a word, because Chickencat declares it so), so the nerdier the question, the better. We will also take hot tips, because we’re running out of ideas here.
Send any pertinent questions troubling your largest cephalic organ (your brain, pervert) to chickencat@secretlylame.com. See, we could have ended that sentence with an exclamation point, but Chickencat has too much respect for your moronic queries to condescend in such a shameful manner. But don’t send us Farmville neighbor requests, Chickencat don’t play that shit.

If you’re anything like me, you like the idea of having a device that compensates for your lack of a sense of direction, so you bought a GPS. Still, isn’t that voice with which it speaks a bit formal? Couldn’t it be a bit more gangsta?  Continue Reading

Wow. People do some amazingly dumb shit, but this takes the cake. Some Russian butthole thought it would be funny or charming to bring a gun to a wedding and start a pick-up game of Russian Roulette. After placing the gun to his temple and harmlessly squeezing the trigger, he offered the gun to other wedding guests.

The first taker was not as lucky as he. Although the gun owner felt sure he had emptied the chamber, it contained a rubber bullet that lodged itself in the second player’s skull. The man is now in critical condition. I don’t feel the need to crack any jokes here; I sincerely hope the man pulls through. Video of the incident is here, but I warn you: it has a guy shooting himself in the head.  A more pleasant video from Russia after the jump.

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