Ooh la la! Point your peepers at this, all you desperate housewives: Gilbert Gottfried (who has carved a career out of playing smart-mouthed birds like Aladdin’s Iago and the Aflac duck) has lent his sensuous pipes to a reading of the wildly popular lit-porn 50 Shades of Grey. Go grab your, um wand massager and join us after the jump for this erotic reading in all its twitchy, squinty glory. NSFW, lovers!

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Poor wittle you! After you missed the boat on… well, pretty much every significant IPO of your generation, you were all fired up to hand over your $38 and rub elbows with the Zuck.

As you’ve probably learned by now, it’s not that easy. Chances are your dreams of riding a dusky blue Like-mobile into easy street have to be deferred, and you’ll just have to find some other orifice to jam those $38 currently burning a hole in your pocket. Since finding places to spend your money is about the hardest thing to do on the internet, we’ve compiled a list of useless swag you can buy for around 38 clams. Continue Reading

I’ve been thinking – very little, of course, as is my wont – about Flattr, the new service that will allow consumers of free web content (that’s you) to give direct financial support to the providers of said content (me, for instance). I think we can all agree the name is asinine, but is there anything to this idea? Does it hold Wattr? Let’s find out.

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If you’re a Facebook user, chances are you’ve noticed a friend’s post, and said one of the following things to yourself:

“Goddammit, enough with the Farmville!”

OR

“Goddammit, enough with the Foursquare!”

In the case of the former, you may have said that about Mafia Wars, Petville, Roller Coaster Kingdom, or Cafe World instead. In the case of the latter, it may have been GoWalla instead of Foursquare (yeah, right). Either case is – let’s face it – fucking irritating. You don’t care that your buddy just built a stable or that they just went to Starbucks for the third time today. But today we will settle the question once and for all: are Zynga gamers bigger douchebags than Foursquare users? Red corner, you ready? Blue corner? * ding ding * Let’s get it on!

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