Dear American Idol,
This is coming from a long-time fan of your show. I have watched religiously since Season 2, and now I am officially done. Granted, now that I have started watching this season, I can’t stop in the middle. Thank you for lacing your show with peyote. But no further seasons will be watched by this non-voting viewer.
Here are my top three reasons why I now hate Idol, not that you care – you still have 2,999,999 viewers…
1. The judges are tired and dull.
Randy was always a one trick pony, with his “dawgs” and his “pitchy”s. Simon is still a draw, but how many times can we hear him say “That sounded like a cruise ship performance”? Ellen is boring with a capital B. At least Paula was interesting, likening performances to the colors of the rainbow. You never knew what loopy crap would come out of her drug-addled mouth. But Ellen just says “That was great.” Give me a break, and be more creative. Your jokes are cute sometimes, but on the whole, you just took the job so you could see a live show every Tuesday. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Kara, on the other hand, is just an idiot. She tries to prove she knows whats what in music. I know she knows her stuff, but she sure can’t verbalize it. She rambles too much.
And her gaudy outfits make my eyes bleed.
2. The mentors are ridiculous.
You know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel when your mentor is last year’s runner-up. Don’t get me wrong, I like Adam Lambert. But how does he have enough experience to mentor? Usher is too cool for school. What was that comment he made to Alex Lambert? “Let me take off my sunglasses for you, so you can see my eyes.” Blech. And Miley Cyrus? She’s a teeny-bopper with no advice of any value to the contestants.
I half expected to see her blow a gum bubble while she watched the contestants perform for her.
3. Idol is “Idle”. The contestants this year make me yawn. The only good one is Crystal, but she’ll never win, a la Chris Daughtry. Siobhan screeches, Big Mike can only do “sensitive”, Aaron and Katie have nice voices but no training, Tim Urban is a douchenozzle, and I can’t even remember who the others are. In fact, I can’t remember half of the previous winners of AI, because they rarely do anything worthwhile once they’ve won. The only exceptions are Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. In all other cases, the runner-ups have fared far better. Remember Taylor Hicks? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Once Simon leaves after this season, AI is kaput.
Thanks American Idol, for wasting many hours of my life.
No love lost,
Jessica
